Communication: the key to my heart.

Note: This post was from my old blog. Ideas and beliefs were those of a much younger soul and may no longer be representative of who I am.

A guy I once had a short-lived relationship with told me, “Helen, you’d fall in love with any man who tells you when he eats, sleeps, and shits.” I hate to say it, but I think he hit the nail on the head. Good communication is almost as sexy to me as an oiled-up Shemar Moore shirtless lifting weights. A close second, really.

In this odd world we live in, we all have at least 17 different means of contacting one another, yet communication seems to be at an all time low. It almost feels like the more methods we’re given, the less successfully we actually communicate. If I wanted to contact a friend right now I could call, text, email, FaceTime, Skype, gchat, Facebook message, Instagram comment, BBM, kik, iMessage, Tweet, dm, LinkedIn message… the list goes on. The market is over-saturated. So with all these tools, why is it that almost every man I meet ranks about a 2 on a scale of 1-10 in communication?

Do I expect too much? Here’s how I think it should be:

My ex-boyfriend communicated his ass off when it came to the daily activities. I knew what time to expect a message from him every morning. He told me what his plans for the day and even the next day were in advance. If he was meeting up with any of his friends he would tell me who they were with a little background information. We would make plans ahead of time and in a decent amount of detail. Because of this, I didn’t ever question a single thing he did. We had 100% trust in one another becausethere was full disclosure i.e. full communication. I didn’t ask him for details, he provided them voluntarily. Perhaps I fell in love with him for this quality of his. Granted, when it came to anything remotely real or emotional, we didn’t communicate for shit. But that’s overrated anyway, right? No? Oh. Moving on…

I am starting to believe that texting and all these other methods of so-called communication have watered down, destroyed, and cheapened the value of real unadulterated communication. I tend to think society as a whole would be so much better off if we all had to go back to just talking on the phone and in person.

Remember in high school (for those 27 and older)… If you liked someone, you would hope to talk to them at school that day and when you did, it was exciting. Matter of fact, I would specifically plan my route between classes so I would run into my crush just to catch a smile or hug. Then maybe, if you were lucky, you could dial up to AOL and catch them on AIM that night. Or better yet, maybe you would call each other on your home phone line and pray your parents weren’t listening in. Nowadays, if a guy calls you too often, he’s an anomaly and you think he’s weird, clingy, or annoying. Back then, if you were making plans with a friend or boyfriend, you would have to plan it AHEAD of time. Texting has made it so no one plans in advance and no one plans thoroughly. Everything has become so spur of the moment, and not in a cute spontaneous way. In an annoying 4:28pm “hey beautiful” 8:03pm “U goin out? I’ll hit you up if I do” then 12:15am “i wanna see you” 12:39am “my bad, what u doin” 2:00am “where you at” type of way. Lately I’ve had a lot of people tell me I’m too uptight because I like to actually plan things in advance. Mind you – by advance I only mean a couple hours, not always days. If it makes me boring that I am not about to decide to go out at 11:50pm, then so be it. I guess I suck.

Exhibit A: Recently a friend invited me out to the club. It was already late and I was mad tired. After asking me about 4 times and telling me repeatedly to “come with him,” I reluctantly agreed. I got off the couch, tried to make myself as cute as possible in 15 minutes, and threw on a go-to going out outfit (american apparel crop top and something high waisted, real original). Finally I was ready and I asked him where he was. I was thinking this dude was going to pick me up because he said several times, “come WITH me.” Fair assumption, no? He says “I’m here.” Just as I start walking downstairs, I see the next text “I’m at the club.” Hold up, what?! I immediately went back in the house, took off my makeup, and got in bed. This little miscommunication could have all been avoided with one 2 minute phone call, yet 40 minutes of texting later he was out poppin bottles and I was snuggling with my cat (2Pawz) thoroughly annoyed.

I get off on good communication. To me, if you like me and want to see me, it shouldn’t be a struggle to first, let me know you feel this way and second, initiate and follow through with a plan that allows us to get together. Whether or not it’s really the case, bad communication to me is a sign of not caring.

As much as I complain about texting, I’ll be the first to admit that I rarely answer my phone if & when it ever rings. Granted, I don’t get many phone calls, but I’ve become so accustomed to texting that phone calls feel like a burden. I know I can’t single-handedly wage a war on texting, especially when I myself am an avid texter. However, if this is going to continue to be the primary means of communication for my generation, I’m going to need to see some improvement on the other end.

So, men, if we must text, please follow these simple guidelines to quality communication:

1. Explain plans in detail. As you can see above, when pieces of the puzzle are left out, you miss out on my oh so fabulous company. I want locations, times, weather reports, itinerary screen shots, yelp reviews, reservation confirmation emails, status updates… okay maybe not all that but time and place are essential. The others will earn you brownie points.
2. Quality over quantity. We don’t need to talk all day, but when we do, lets make it worthwhile and productive, or if nothing else, entertaining.
3. Respond in a timely manner. I understand you may be at work or otherwise occupied, but don’t ask me “wyd” at 2:07pm, I respond at 2:10pm, and you write back at 8:42pm “wyd” again. What’s the point? Please don’t say hi to me once every 4 days with 6 texts back and forth, then hit me talking bout, “when am I going to see you?” You never will. or “I miss you.” No you don’t.
4. Elaborate.  If we make plans, and things change on your end and you have to cancel, simply offer a brief apology AND explanation, then offer to make different plans. And if you don’t want to hang out, stop talking to me.
5. Be clear and direct. Subtlety doesn’t translate well across texting. If you’re feeling some type of way, let it be known. If you have something on your mind, share it. Don’t just add extra ellipses and end your one word sentences with periods and hope I catch on.
6. The pass out. If we’re texting and you fall asleep, text me when you wake up and tell me what happened. It’s only polite. I’m a female… I may genuinely think you’ve been kidnapped, in a car accident, or something equally dramatic and unrealistic.
7. Stay in one medium. If I text or call you, don’t contact me via any other social network before responding to me via the original method. I know you seen that shit.
8. Plan ahead. Don’t hit me after 10:00pm and assume I am going to leave the house. Most likely 2Pawz and I are snuggled up on the couch watching Breaking Bad. If you make plans in advance, I guarantee I’ll show up in a fantastic mood, looking delicious.
9. Use your words. An emoji doesn’t constitute a response. If I say I got my hair cut and you send me back an emoji of scissors and a girl in a pink shirt with scissors in her hair, what am I to make of this? Also, I know I’m hilarious, but not everything is that funny that you are lol-ing. I can almost guarantee no noise is coming from your body 98% of the time you type lol.
10. Let me know when you eat, sleep, and shit. 

Disclaimer: If you’re a potential suitor of mine and reading this, please do not be alarmed. I don’t actually expect any man to be able to communicate this well from jump, if ever. A girl can dream though, right?