10 Signs That the Guy You’re Dating ISN’T Your Boyfriend

Note: This post was from my old blog. Ideas and beliefs were those of a much younger soul and may no longer be representative of who I am.

Okay, I’m confused. If I’m dating him, doesn’t that make him my boyfriend? Isn’t dating the definition of a relationship? Well sadly, the answer is no. In today’s Instagramming, Texting, Tindering, and Tweeting society, the definition of a relationship has been as grossly altered as Kim K’s naked oiled up ass.  No longer does a relationship require all those “P”s Steve Harvey told the world about: Protect, Provide, and Profess. In fact, the majority of relationships amongst the younger generations center around Pussy, Penis, and IG Posts (pardon my language, but the alliteration was too convenient to pass up).

Hook-ups reign supreme and relationships are so last-generation. There’s all this talk about how we live in a hook-up society nowadays. When women caught on to the hook-up epidemic and adjusted by withholding the “cookie” until commitment (thanks to Steve Harvey’s old-school chauvinistic book, which I loved, and a stellar performance by Meagan Good and her overdone winged eyeliner in “Think Like a Man”), men responding by mimicking relationship activities without submitting to actual commitment. This way, they obtain cookie without providing said relationship. It’s basic behavioral psychology. Remove positive reinforcement -sex- and the animal will adapt. If rats can do it, so can men (giving them the benefit of the doubt here). This new form of relationship is what I like to call the “Long-Term-Hook-Up” not to be confused with a Long-term Relationship. So, while you think the time and activities spent together elevate your Hook-Up to the relationship status, beware.

And us women don’t help the situation by playing into it with half-naked IG posts crying out for attention in the forms of likes and thirst-bucket followers. Somehow showing bare ass or full body in a bra & panties is OK if you get at least 75 likes or pretend that you’re showing your #gains #fitchick. This is deplorable. Let’s have some self-respect ladies. I mean, I would need at least 300 likes to feel okay about this. (Kidding. Sorta.) But what makes us think that a random 12-year-old redhead in Arkansas telling us that we’re sexy somehow validates our existence? All we’re doing is encouraging the next guy who might have really considered dating us to say to himself, “well if she doesn’t even take herself seriously, why should I?” We feed the cycle. I know, I know, there’s something magically delicious about IG likes – I myself am a recovering victim of this addiction – but please, please, rage against the machine and put on some damn pants.

Girls, I know you’re in denial, but just hear me out.

Here are 10 telltale signs that the man you’re dating is not, in fact, your boyfriend.

1. He has never technically called you his girlfriend. Sure, he uses cute pet names like “boo” and “babe” and introduces you to his boys as “my girl,” but trust me, this is different. If he has never explicitly said that you are his girlfriend, YOU ARE NOT, no matter how much time you spend together, how long you’ve dated, or if you have the keys to his house.
2. He tells you that he likes to keep his personal life private. Sure, I understand that people like to keep to their selves in the overexposed society that we live in. But if your man constantly stresses to you that he keeps his personal business to himself, he’s having personal business with at least one someone-else.
3. You always meet up places, but never ride together to get there. Think about it.
4. There is a different set of behavior expectations in the club or lounge than in “real life.” He explains to you that its “just the club” and that things are different in there. He somehow gets you to believe and understand his point of view.
5. You post pictures of him all the time, and he posts one or two of you… ever.  (Ooohh I wish so badly that I could give yall some IG names to look at! Classic examples of this)
6. He asks you to take down or untag him in said photos. Claims his agent/manager/client told him he shouldn’t have pictures up that aren’t with family or at work. However, in your vast internet stalking (research) you will find this rule only applies to you and doesn’t seem to apply to his friends.
7. You only get partial invites. He will invite you to meet up with him and his friends, but didn’t invite you to the dinner they all went to before. You get invited to meet him in Vegas, but not fly together. You get invited to the Award Show afterparty, but not the actual show.
8. He invites you to family functions, but also invites 10 other “homegirls” and all of his boys. He doesn’t show you any physical affection but throws a wink or smile your way. He says this is because he is busy hosting and catching up with old family and friends. You convince yourself to believe him.
9. He tells you he’s focusing on his career. Meanwhile, he manages to make time for everything else under the sun that matters, but when you ask for more time, he tells you he has to focus on work and you’re being selfish if you don’t understand that.
10. When he books you a flight to come visit him, he asks for your last name and birthday OR *even worse* the spelling of your first name.