Last Saturday I went to see the Bruno Mars in concert in Las Vegas. Upon entry, the venue locked everyone’s phones into neoprene pouches for the duration of the show. After the unsettling 30 seconds of anxiety I felt knowing that I couldn’t access my phone for a few hours, I realized a few major things: 1. How rare it is to be in room with over 6,000 people with no access to their phones. 2. How good it felt to be living in a moment that we will all simply have to remember (as opposed to re-watch). and 3. How wild it is that the only way to prevent full grown adults from using their phones is to physically lock them in an impenetrable pouch. Bruno (who by the way is as big as a thimble and absolutely could still get it) made some jokes about having taken away our phones, but explained that he just wanted everyone to be present, enjoying the show together. And that’s exactly what happened and exactly when I fell in love with him, mustache and all. He danced his cute miniature ass off, everyone sang and grooved together, and we all shared an experience that felt moving and unique.
I think the current generation of young people (spoken like the 32-year-old preachy grandma that I am) is going to grow up not even knowing the power of the raw uninterrupted human connection. Shit, I think even half of the 30+-year-old people I am around regularly take very little time to disconnect and be present. As funny as a good meme is, or as convenient as it is to be able to reach someone instantaneously, there’s absolutely nothing in the world as powerful as giving and receiving undivided attention. The most incredible nights of my life are those when I forget I even have a phone or responsibilities in the morning, and next thing I know it’s 3am. Whether I’m knee deep in a meaningful conversation, sitting silently listening to music with someone, or getting lost in an intimate connection, I cherish these experiences with a fondness I find hard to properly articulate. The best way I can describe it is the feeling when your soul is exposed… and someone else is there receiving it and exposing theirs to you. There’s absolutely nothing like it.
I fear that many people may never get to experience the magic of truly, wholeheartedly being in the moment. And this isn’t for lack of desire to do so, but simply because society and technology are making this concept increasingly more difficult unless you’re acutely aware and intentional in trying to achieve it. Because of the pressures of adult life, so many of us allot small time windows for activities, enforce strict bedtimes, and put so much pressure on ourselves to get everything done that we never give ourselves time to feel the strength of the basic human connection, sans technology, sans distraction. I’ve dated someone for months before I ever truly felt like they stopped and really saw me, inside and out. Even worse, it’s happened that the first time I felt like I obtained someone’s full focus was sadly our final conversation. We run from the gym to work to happy hour to errands and in the couple minutes of down time in between, we scroll through useless content on Instagram, filling in every gap, leaving no time to be present. Even while we spend time with people, we check our phones and interact with others who aren’t physically around. Have you ever been out and your friend or date goes to the bathroom? What do you do? Immediately check your phone. But why? Why can’t we disconnect? We’re addicts, and the thing we’re addicted to is drastically less fulfilling than the thing we’re missing out on.
I’ve heard from others fairly often that my energy is very calm and relaxing and that they enjoy being around me for that reason. I’ve thought about what this means and why this is the vibe I give off, and I think it stems from my ability/desire to disconnect (although believe me, my screen time can get up there with the best of them). I do my best to be available and present and undistracted when someone needs or wants me. I don’t take life so seriously that I rush through the daily moments, whether heavy or insignificant. I’m here, and I am determined to form the deepest connections possible with those who I choose to allow in my life. Even if it means I’ll be tired the next day, I’m going to stay up and ride out a moment with someone, I’m going to have the important conversations when they need to be had, I’m going to show up for a friend in need, and I’m going to give connections the energy they deserve to flourish. How else will we ever feel intimacy, forge bonds, or grow together?
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but what I do know is that we all need to put our phones, work, and distractions away when we’re around people we care about. Don’t regret a missed moment, emotion, or conversation. Bruno gets it – give those you love all your hours before you no longer have the chance.
Let’s look at each other. Let’s connect. Let’s get lost together. I promise you’ll like it.
Too young, too dumb to realize
Bruno Mars, When I Was Your Man
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
This is everything. I think it’s also interesting how now our phones tell us how much time we spend on our phones and breaks it down into what categories. When I see the amount of time I spend on social media a day I’m
Embarrassed. I could use those collective hours to really connect with people. Thank you for this.
Yes, I agree with this. In my field of work as a nurse they should do the same thing. Collect phone at the beginning of shift and get it back at end of shift. Maybe get to access it during lunch time. That would have been a cool concert to experience. Hope more artists do it that way.